The core of my love

I've found that some people aren't looking for friendship. They want the frills that go along with whatever screwed-up idea they have of you and what you're willing to give to them. They don't want the companionship. They want the perverse joy of waving at you and having you wave back, they crave the twisted way they can make your stomach roll over twice when they make you feel like it's all your fault. It's not your fault. I've found most everyone has either a pre-formed, ill-formed impression of me or no impression at all. And the basis of every being is the need to work at being Special. That's what life is. Life is carving away what is exactly the same about you as everyone else until all that's left is your exposed, naked and mundane soul. Because there really is no need for you to try so hard. You want to shed the parts of yourself that aren't original. You can't. Your very core belongs to someone else. It's rightfully owned by whoever made you (Whoever you believe in -- the centre of your belief system, basically).

And friendship;

Friendship's just become another taboo we're not supposed to uncover. It's an F word. And we've become a generation that goes against that taboo and we throw around the word 'friend' so loosely that it becomes another part of teenage novelty.

You don't become someone's friend until you truly understand them. You can be acquaintances, even if the word comes out looking cold and impersonal. What's really impersonal is that you can't even fathom the thought that maybe your 'friend' doesn't think about you the same way. You're not friends until you can hold someone's hand and prop her back up when her heart's about to fall out of her rib cage from the pressure of the consistent stabbing of her back.

You don't make friendship a commodity until you decide you want to use someone for your own personal advancement and advantage. It's........ I don't quite know how to explain. It's like I crave friendship and I give so much of myself to my friends, I don't quite know what's left in me to discern whether these relationships are real or not.